rotten > Library > Biographies > Religion > Cult leaders > Rael


Okay, we're only going to go over this once, so pay attention:

Crop circles are actually plans sent from Outer Space aliens of some sort so that we can build them an Embassy. So that they can finally land and talk to us. Until then, the only person they will talk to is a washed out French "former racecar driver", actually a former racecar magazine writer, named Claude Vorilhon whom the aliens have named Rael. He in return has named the aliens Elohim and they have taught him all kinds of kinky alien sex shit that he shares with his large retinue of gorgeous women.

You haven't heard of him in the US because, much like David Hasselhoff, he's mostly popular in Europe and Asia. His books have been translated into dozens of languages since the mid-70s, back when he had hair, and they are full of mystical secrets of cosmic alien sexuality.

Oh, also, the Embassy has to be in Israel: which prompted Rael to change his special symbol from a Star of David plus Nazi Swastika to a Star of David plus Spiral Spacey Swirl back in 1992 to please the Jewish State. He checked with the aliens first, of course, and they said that it was okay.

Oh, almost forgot: the Raelian religion is a huge cult that has amassed enough funding to finally break into the US news via aggressive pursuit of a human cloning program.


7 Oct 2003 According to an article in the Chicago Sun-Times, Rael believes that President George W Bush has launched a program of assassination against him. According to Rael, both the CIA and the French intelligence service are trying to kill him. Bush is supposed to have said: "I want the skin of this Rael who preaches atheism at all costs."

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