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John "Captain Crunch" Draper

Formerly a Phone Phreak, now a dentally-challenged and odorous wreck, John Draper once gained fame (and prison sentences) from his skills in manipulating the telephone system. His "handle" came from the inclusion of a plastic whistle in Captain Crunch cereal in the 1960's which could, with proper manipulation, send out a control tone that would affect telephone systems of the time. Of course, Draper didn't actually discover that fact (the honor goes to a blind phone phreak named Joe Engressia) but he was quite happy to not go out of his way to correct people when they claimed he had.

This propensity to snag the spotlight got John the first of several prison sentences because of the publication of an article called "Secrets of the Little Blue Box", which was about a telephone device favored by Draper and others to fuck majorly with Ma Bell. Ultimately, Draper went to federal prison three times related to phone fraud and other such charges. The years were not kind for Mr. Draper, as he now resembles how Jim Henson would have looked if he'd lived a little longer and ceased taking any care of himself.

For reasons that entirely escape logic, Steve Wozniak (co-founder of Apple Computer) has always held a great amount of respect and honor for Draper, and first sought him out as a student in Berkeley in the 1970's. Given the plans to the Blue Box, Wozniak improved them greatly and started selling them around campus, using a portion of the earned money to fund work that became Apple Computer.

Life didn't go as well for Draper; 1980 happened and he ceased doing anything interesting. In this new millenium, he has transformed himself into "Johnny D", creepy old guy that you see at raves in California. He's huge on hugs and if you're a cute enough boy, you might even get one of his special "energy transfer" massages! Turn-offs include cigarette smoke and food that requires chewing.

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